a crush a day: one part humorous & two scoops opinionated
Humorous: I only talk sometimes about real life crushes and never directly since calling out people might get me sued and it would be boring. Most of the time, I talk about all the FMILF (famous men I’d like to freak) and let my mind go wild and PG-13 (at least most of the time).
Opinionated: I also talk about race and stereotypes about men and the woman (me) who loves them. Also I’d like to dispel ideals of the typical guy that an African (Ghana) Canadian (black woman/BW) is “suppose to like” and a few more tidbits of “common sense ideology” from the media machine.
I love Sade’s new song “Solider of Love” she is lush and I feel like it is speaking to me. I’m a tired girl even in all my fabulousness. With every passing gender class I feel like I’m discovering more about being black and blackness, a scary thing to get into for a girl who grew up in a multicultural world—a world with only crayon colors. Somehow it feels like there is a definite blackness (like correct black performance) that I threw away when I got away from the rules of the All Black Crew. Skin color matters to people yes, but I’m a dark skinned African girl in a white world, so I’m basically at the bottom on the world’s totem pole. But do I mediate on this sick construct of the world other than in an academic way? NO. Do I act like I’m on the bottom? HELL NO! But I feel like I’m keeping my brain in this protective bubble where no one can touch me. Where I do whatever I like. I read, talk however I like, like whomever I want to like, wear whatever style of clothing I like etc! I live in Robin Thicke’sDreamworld. I wish all the people who are like me could be on some sexy cool island somewhere instead of living amongst the race performers. I don’t want to act “black.” Example of my craziness: going up to police and asking police for directions to get to a party. When I told my friends (Hispanic and Polish like white) they weren’t surprised since it was me but it was still laughable to them. This makes sense to me! Well, then again, at an early age my first idea of police officers was formed when one gave me an oatmeal cookie when I was in elementary school. Then again, I was a cutie doll faced girl and it was a white male (I think) who gave me the cookie. Two of my friends (South Asian) asked me why I like the white guys (well, I was talking about someone I use to like) and we claim all the hot guys on TV as well… but yeah, when there is black why choose white (question mark) I feel like my attraction choose me. I didn’t choose who makes my heart skip beats… but I know I can choose how I respond to that beat—whether I’m going to be a solider of love or a victim of it. I choose to be a solider! Plus: I checked this guy (Elon James White) out at FunkyBrownChick and my brain exploded and now I understand more.
Plus-Plus: I had an almost sexy weekend of being attempted of being picked up by lots of white guys with my lovely south Asian girlfriends (err… it's an "almost" because we were drunk & pretty much slow & fuzzy in the head because of it) so there fucked up racialized world! Sexiness is universal! *JERSEYSHORE FIST PUMP*
The New Year has gone and come and I feel like I’m been in three hundred different places by now. Every single month feels like that, like I’m being pulled and stretched and challenged. Again, those are what those delicious or rough growing pains are about. I’ve been letting my mind and the blog breath but I haven’t stopped working.
I’m almost done editingDifferent Finds You my first freebie of 2010. Um… it’s a short erotic story that will be posted shortly and of course I’ll be looking for constructive criticism and reviews.
Other than that I’m starting on a YA story and trying to finish off my university year on a really good note while partying and planning to seduce indie boys.
What I really want to know is if people are still hesitating when it comes to Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, etc boys in 2010? Err… check the latest posts Nothing New from one of my favourite bloggers and stop hesitating please.
Here is the teaser for Crush’ed Radio. I did at least 3 different rough drafts… but then I realized that it’s a teaser. I’ll take the constructive criticism that comes and let it be like the Beatles.
Plus I’m watching a new show The Misfits a UK show and I officially love thee European lads I must look into study abroad programs so I can pick up one or two of my own.
I was going to leave you alone about my Asian men HWood, honest. I was good with Gabrielle Union and John Cho’s coupling on Flash Forward. I wanted to be able to settle... then of course, the bedroom door was closed on their first love scene together. Fine, its primetime TV, I can take it for the kids.
But then HWood, you made Ninja Assassin. Not with a Jet Li or Jackie Chan type character but with Bi/Rain a sexy top oppa from Korea—ONE OF THE BIGGEST SINGER/DANCER/ACTORS there! And you paired him with Naomi Harris good looking woman in her own right and with a britcent too.
Then you did us like Romeo Must Die!
No love scene? Really? Have you *SEEN* Rain’s sexy body?! If I was the director it would have been some soft-core porn movie LOL.
HWood are you allergic to the thought of women getting all panty twisted over someone other than your top generic romantic comedy actors? Do you think that the world would completely explode if our female wet dreams starred people other than the Matthew Maconahay or Brad Pitt types?
I’m not going to complain about the repetition of the martial arts fighter today, I know you love your Asian man who does revenge movies... but please GIVE ME A BLASIAN MOVIE LOVE SCENE! twitterspeak: #GIVEMEABLASIANMOVIELOVESCENE!
Now whenever you do movies with an Asian man and black woman just randomly insert a love scene. Example: They were two long-time friends from different sides of town, caught up in a survival for life as they tried not to follow their gang associated friends [INSERT LOVE SCENE!] See it’s quite easy, HWood.
If you do I totally promise to see your movies in the theatre for a change (LOL!) and also drag my friends to see it multiple times ok?
Now this is the prototype kind of love scene I want but of course hotter and with a sexy Asian dude.
2009 has been a learning process. The 2000s have been full of growing pains. A lot of growing pains! But I only talk about the pretty on this site.
I’ve been getting my writing ready, getting my mind right, and had a lovely Italian Christmas out instead of posting. However, it’s one year since I started this blog (officially January 1th) finally, congrats! Again, seriously didn’t think I’d make it up to this point. I just needed something fun to do to and pour my energies into while I was on a university break I didn’t think it would turn into an extension of my writing goals: Author site!Crush’ed Radio!
Old things and ways of thinking have to die of course to make room for the living: Diary of a Single Girl in Uni-ville posts are expired. Instead is a new concept of The Goddess Year as inspired by Abiola Abrams in The Examiner.
I decided to do my own countdown of the decade but I couldn’t decide on the guys instead I want to talk boy fetishes:
(Betishes) of the decade!
5. Tattoos: Boys who are marked up with creative ink.
4. Vampires: Boys who have super speed and give love bites.
3. Internationals: Boys from other sexy lands... even if they’re from Canada’s bigger brother U.S. Extra points if they have an accent.
2. Dorks: In the form of brown haired Adam Brody-esque sarcastic cuties.
1. Musicians: Boys with guitars set my soul on fire.
And a very honourable mention since they are a part of my life right now in the fullest: an awakening love and appreciation for Asian men.
New Year (and New Decade) Blessing:
Celebrating a New Year this New Year to me means forgiveness and moreso with the new decade coming in and tonight’s lunar eclipse. Don’t focus and put pressure on what was done wrong (both to you and by you), what hasn’t been done yet, dreams that were lost on the way towards new ones. Focus on happiness in the moment instead of: “I’ll be happy when [insert random longing] happens.” Surround yourself with love and loved ones instead of harsh ego killers. And remember that nothing can enter a closed hand, only an open one. Give and do good as much as you can. It isn’t only for yourself but also the people that come after you. You might not receive the blessing in your lifetime but your (current or future) children will in theirs.
Okay, I’m not a priest and with my actions/Catholic upbringing, I am unable to do religious sacraments myself but I feel like putting some positive energy out there with a prayer.
But no matter who your god is or isn’t—find your bliss in life and happy new year!
I have some pre-New Year’s thinking to do even though it’s almost Christmas. I learned a lot this year from black women’s pro-interracial sites. There is a lot of self confirmation that comes from those sites but I also feel like there are some contexts where things differ from person to person.
Other than the fact that the first guy I liked was blonde, as a child the first contact I had with interacting with the opposite sex other than immediate family were all Italian (my dad’s work mates and friends and their children).
Every day I get another YAYA! Feeling in my stomach with all the openness when it comes to black women with white/asian/hispanic etc guys but there is also one thing I can’t relate to when it comes to the movement though I support sisters everywhere of course. For some of us it’s *not*: there are no black guys who like black women (I am also speaking as a dark skinned woman here, so I’m being far from patronizing) let’s date white!
For some of us, it’s the chicken and the egg. The earliest memory I have of liking boys like that are of white guys so they came first.
I finally understood my feelings when my gender teacher showed us a heterosexual quiz before exams. It basically mirrors the questions that heterosexual people give to homosexual people (i.e. what do you think caused your homosexuality?) As the professor asked his questions, I was forming those questions from both a racial and sexual stance. Like how would it be to ask a black woman whose first sexual forming charged experiences were with white guys the same questions: What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
Ummm… that time my family friend’s son came over (I forgot his name but he was basically like me and my brother’s playmate) and had to use the bathroom while I was in the shower. I looked over to see who was in the bathroom and he thought I was looking at his boy toy. In the end, he drew back the curtains and took in the slight of my naked body. It was a moment of both anger and complete vulnerability. (This incident was also before the concept of race was formed in my mind and also as a kid I didn’t really separate my dad/brother as apart from the Italian guys that were around. All of them were boys in my young mind. Just brown & peach crayon colors LOL).
I also wonder if he was affected in the same way from the experience but I haven’t seen him since I was a child. We had a scream-swear match that rocked the house!
Anyway, in the end, what if being if a white guy is the natural choice (for some black women) because of their life experiences? You can’t stop preference from your core. Even if it can’t be proven by biology, if it’s in your nature then it feels *natural* now.
Now which part of that are you going to digest first?
I finally watched Twilight in the longest movie marathon ever (well, it was four movies until 5 in the morning so it felt like the longest marathon ever). And I’m going to tell you a few strange things that came out of it.
I actually enjoyed the movie, Bella didn’t make me puke, and Edward was actually cool-ish.
How to Enjoy It (Without Going Fangirl Insane):
1) If you read the book then make sure that you read it a few years ago. I could remember the plot line faintly not word by word so it made me less tuned to what was skipped in the movie.
2) Accept R. Pat as Edward. I wanted another actor to play Edward when I found out about the movies... now R. Pat doesn’t bathe or whatever but as Edward he does a pretty good job.
3) Bella is not your feminist sister. I think that I changed my whole: RA-RA RIOT girl perception of how women should dominate men (ESP WITH THE Strong BW disease). NO, I do not need you to save me all the time but if you are a vamp and he is a vamp then even is even.
4) I had both of the guys Edward & Jacob first dibbed by friends so I was an outsider to the vampire/wolf fight. There was no blood shed.
Okay, I’m not rushing off to watch New Moon but I wouldn’t be adverse from having another night long movie marathon and watching it then. I think it’s more like go into book-movies with no expectations and then you get more out of it or have a lot of candy and good company.
I’m a university student in Canada-land trying not to fall behind as I major in my two favourite subjects: English and Guys. Lots of highs, lows, celebrity crushes and race talk.
