112. my year of men

2009 has been a learning process. The 2000s have been full of growing pains. A lot of growing pains! But I only talk about the pretty on this site.

I’ve been getting my writing ready, getting my mind right, and had a lovely Italian Christmas out instead of posting. However, it’s one year since I started this blog (officially January 1th) finally, congrats! Again, seriously didn’t think I’d make it up to this point. I just needed something fun to do to and pour my energies into while I was on a university break I didn’t think it would turn into an extension of my writing goals: Author site!

Old things and ways of thinking have to die of course to make room for the living: Diary of a Single Girl in Uni-ville posts are expired. Instead is a new concept of The Goddess Year as inspired by Abiola Abrams in The Examiner.

I decided to do my own countdown of the decade but I couldn’t decide on the guys instead I want to talk boy fetishes:

(Betishes) of the decade!

5. Tattoos: Boys who are marked up with creative ink.

4. Vampires: Boys who have super speed and give love bites.

3. Internationals: Boys from other sexy lands... even if they’re from Canada’s bigger brother U.S. Extra points if they have an accent.

2. Dorks: In the form of brown haired Adam Brody-esque sarcastic cuties.

1. Musicians: Boys with guitars set my soul on fire.

And a very honourable mention since they are a part of my life right now in the fullest: an awakening love and appreciation for Asian men.

New Year (and New Decade) Blessing:

Celebrating a New Year this New Year to me means forgiveness and moreso with the new decade coming in and tonight’s lunar eclipse. Don’t focus and put pressure on what was done wrong (both to you and by you), what hasn’t been done yet, dreams that were lost on the way towards new ones. Focus on happiness in the moment instead of: “I’ll be happy when [insert random longing] happens.” Surround yourself with love and loved ones instead of harsh ego killers. And remember that nothing can enter a closed hand, only an open one. Give and do good as much as you can. It isn’t only for yourself but also the people that come after you. You might not receive the blessing in your lifetime but your (current or future) children will in theirs.

Okay, I’m not a priest and with my actions/Catholic upbringing, I am unable to do religious sacraments myself but I feel like putting some positive energy out there with a prayer.

But no matter who your god is or isn’t—find your bliss in life and happy new year!

111. the chicken or the egg

I have some pre-New Year’s thinking to do even though it’s almost Christmas.

I learned a lot this year from black women’s pro-interracial sites. There is a lot of self confirmation that comes from those sites but I also feel like there are some contexts where things differ from person to person.

Other than the fact that the first guy I liked was blonde, as a child the first contact I had with interacting with the opposite sex other than immediate family were all Italian (my dad’s work mates and friends and their children).

Every day I get another YAYA! Feeling in my stomach with all the openness when it comes to black women with white/asian/hispanic etc guys but there is also one thing I can’t relate to when it comes to the movement though I support sisters everywhere of course. For some of us it’s *not*: there are no black guys who like black women (I am also speaking as a dark skinned woman here, so I’m being far from patronizing) let’s date white!

For some of us, it’s the chicken and the egg. The earliest memory I have of liking boys like that are of white guys so they came first.

I finally understood my feelings when my gender teacher showed us a heterosexual quiz before exams. It basically mirrors the questions that heterosexual people give to homosexual people (i.e. what do you think caused your homosexuality?) As the professor asked his questions, I was forming those questions from both a racial and sexual stance. Like how would it be to ask a black woman whose first sexual forming charged experiences were with white guys the same questions:

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

Ummm… that time my family friend’s son came over (I forgot his name but he was basically like me and my brother’s playmate) and had to use the bathroom while I was in the shower. I looked over to see who was in the bathroom and he thought I was looking at his boy toy. In the end, he drew back the curtains and took in the slight of my naked body. It was a moment of both anger and complete vulnerability. (This incident was also before the concept of race was formed in my mind and also as a kid I didn’t really separate my dad/brother as apart from the Italian guys that were around. All of them were boys in my young mind. Just brown & peach crayon colors LOL).

I also wonder if he was affected in the same way from the experience but I haven’t seen him since I was a child. We had a scream-swear match that rocked the house!

Anyway, in the end, what if being if a white guy is the natural choice (for some black women) because of their life experiences? You can’t stop preference from your core. Even if it can’t be proven by biology, if it’s in your nature then it feels *natural* now.

Now which part of that are you going to digest first?

110. Twilight: How to enjoy it without going Fangirl insane

I finally watched Twilight in the longest movie marathon ever (well, it was four movies until 5 in the morning so it felt like the longest marathon ever). And I’m going to tell you a few strange things that came out of it.

I actually enjoyed the movie, Bella didn’t make me puke, and Edward was actually cool-ish.

How to Enjoy It (Without Going Fangirl Insane):

1) If you read the book then make sure that you read it a few years ago. I could remember the plot line faintly not word by word so it made me less tuned to what was skipped in the movie.

2) Accept R. Pat as Edward. I wanted another actor to play Edward when I found out about the movies... now R. Pat doesn’t bathe or whatever but as Edward he does a pretty good job.

3) Bella is not your feminist sister. I think that I changed my whole: RA-RA RIOT girl perception of how women should dominate men (ESP WITH THE Strong BW disease). NO, I do not need you to save me all the time but if you are a vamp and he is a vamp then even is even.

4) I had both of the guys Edward & Jacob first dibbed by friends so I was an outsider to the vampire/wolf fight. There was no blood shed.

Okay, I’m not rushing off to watch New Moon but I wouldn’t be adverse from having another night long movie marathon and watching it then. I think it’s more like go into book-movies with no expectations and then you get more out of it or have a lot of candy and good company.

109. i'm dreaming of a white christmas

108. excuse my sexy ways

Wedding Girl. adj. A girl who plans as a child for her role as mother and wife and for “the biggest day of her life.”

I was never a Wedding Girl when I was younger. I was too busy doing whatever the heck I wanted, planning my escape from home and my lovely future and chatting up all the cute boys (my eye candy).

I was just the life of the party.

Now, I’m slowly getting back to that part of my spirit. The girl who wants to let loose!

Last semester I haven’t had time to fully come back to that part of myself. I was looking for true blue love like Charlotte and trying to turn myself into the Wedding Girl.

I rep all day for my single networking ladies... Get your paper, and your men. Yes, men! Back are the days of “a crush a day!”

I tried online dating to get rid of my International fixations and instead was almost was captured by a French Boy with a taste for chocolate but he was a little too sexual for me. I like to play dominatrix until trust is formed.

I wanted to lock down a crush (i.e. knock the teeth out of any chick that wants to sexy-play with him) but I didn’t want to be locked down myself or meet his mom/family in any way... seriously, NO MOM!

I want to have my cake & eat it like no other.

But I keep can’t help thinking sometimes that a) if I stop chasing then I’ll be missing out on the biggest experience of my life! aka some hot make out sessions (but boy doesn’t mix business with kissing and thing) b) he may be the one. Err... no thanks Disney; you have your girl sprung for nothing!

How to Get Back IN There

a) Sexy Jeans: wear sexy jeans and ‘They’ will come.

b) Dancing: I feel sexy when I dance, queenly baby. I want to be on the dance floor like yesterday.

c) Don’t Go Out Mad: No screw faces. No I’m-listening-to-my-IPod/reading-my-book faces. Just go out with a sexy smile on your sexy face.

I lost two friends last week one in the form of death and another in the form of her returning to a faraway home. I found out that love is something that isn’t only something found in between the sheets of men/women, men/men, women/women anything lovers. It’s something that never dies out, only transforms like energy.

“The fastest way to find love is to give it” – Facebook quote.

Currently? I’m about done exams and I am about to go three weeks without looking at a certain someone’s Facebook. Just seriously living my previous fab life without acknowledging that a certain someone exists. I’m going to focus on Crushed-blog/radio/bookstore, Christmas shopping, and all that loveliness and when I come back to university I’ll be all ‘cool, buddy’ about his birthday.

107. the boy is back

Link: Welcome Back, Gong Yoo

106. love is you

105. the inappropriate men thing

I’ve always liked inappropriate men. I’m like Meredith Grey that way—aside from the drinking tequila. I like fruity drinks better. Um, teachers/TAs, too close family friends, brothers of friends, campus security, crushes of friends (that was before, now my current friends and I have polar opposite tastes)—I’ve never acted on that impulse though.

But now, I’ve gotten sidetracked in my Secret Diary of a Girl in Uni-ville posts and for reason being... I didn’t really remember what the purpose of it was. To see what is out there? To build or conquer? I don’t know. After reading a lot of the interracial blogs during the summer I wanted to explore in a way. To see what I could see. Obviously boys like girls no matter how much you’re dipped in sexy chocolate or vanilla.

Now that the truth is out there whatcha say?

I have some thinking to do over the lovely holidays but instead of leaving high and dry in December I’ve decided to work overtime and get some promotion and marketing out there before the second & third part of my blog opens up: Crush’ed Radio (on YouTube). Even if I have no clue for what is next for my single life (got some planning to do) I’ve been working on this blog for a while now. The time is now to move to the next level! Everything else can fall into place alongside it.



***BLOGGER NOTE!*** crush'ed radio was deleted and acrushadayTV @ Youtube is it's replacement in summer 2010. Please check that channel out instead.